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3 Lessons for “Real” Leadership

People today want their leaders to be "real." In fact, they demand it. Case in point: After she choked up in response to a kindly question in a New Hampshire diner, Hillary Clinton's campaign wasn't sure what to do about the story. They didn't release a video clip of the event or a press statement; the web site didn't mention it. They weren't sure, frankly, how voters would react to this glimpse into the "real" person behind the candidate. They shouldn't have worried.

What does this being "real" mean for you and for leadership in your organization?Here are 3 Lessons For "Real" Leadership:

Being real can be hard work

We all have a picture of what the perfect executive, administrator, pastor, etc. should look like. But those of us who hold those offices know the truth! In fact, I can remember the moment, a number of years ago, when I looked around at the organization I was leading - and the larger community I was a part of - and suddenly realized: "I'm one of the grown ups now!" It was startling...and scary...because I knew just how much I didn't know and how unprepared I was for the work I had been given to do. The temptation, in those moments, is to hide behind whatever masks we can find. And there are plenty of them to choose from. We can hide behind an impressive sounding title or a little white collar; a big, booming voice or a sweet corner office. We can use vocabulary words no one else understands and drop names of people no one else has met. We can take ourselves very seriously and expect everyone else to do that, too. There are all kinds of ways we can create the illusion of infallibility, authority, expertise. Don't. Either you don't need to create an illusion because you really are up to the challenge or you're just not up to the challenge, in which case sooner or later your illusion will come crashing down. If that's the case, find another job or get some more training. Do whatever you can to do the best job you can do. But don't pretend. Trust the people you're working with to appreciate the gifts you really do bring to the job. Trust yourself.

A culture that allows people to "be real" leads to greater productivity and loyalty

Yes, it's true, office chit-chat may help work!People not only want their leaders to be real, they want to be able to bring their "whole selves" with them to their work, too...whatever that work happens to be. Nobody wants to work for - or be - an Ebenezer Scrooge. But a lot of leaders, especially those in nonprofit and religious organizations, feel like they are responsible for safeguarding their donors' investment; they don't want to waste a dime! Too often that translates into a joyless, lifeless, exhausted work life. Do what you can to create an environment where people feel like they can laugh, talk about the silly things they did over the weekend, share their dreams, care for each other, have fun together. They will, very likely, end up working harder, smarter, and more passionately than ever before.

Being real does not give you permission to be stupid or nuts

I've worked with leaders (including church leaders) who say the meanest, craziest things and when they are challenged respond, "What?! I'm just being honest!" These people need to be stopped. If their "real" self is unconcerned about how they sound to other people, then they just "really" need help. Therapy, maybe. Medication. A good, stern, talking-to. A communication workshop. Something. If they're in leadership positions and they act this way, they need to be removed. It is possible to be real about your thoughts, feelings, ideas, hopes, fears, etc. without being a jerk. For effective leaders, it's a requirement.

People today want their leaders to be "real." In fact, they demand it. Case in point: After she choked up in response to a kindly question in a New Hampshire diner, Hillary Clinton's campaign wasn't sure what to do about the story. They didn't release a video clip of the event or a press statement; the web site didn't mention it. They weren't sure, frankly, how voters would react to this glimpse into the "real" person behind the candidate. They shouldn't have worried.

Are you having fun yet?

I didn't realize it at the time but I was just about dragging myself to the end of last year. I was exhausted. So tired, in fact, that I didn't even have the energy to be able to see how tired I was! This isn't a complaint. I am more thankful than I can say for all the good, interesting, hard work A.R.E. was given to do last year. It helped position us for this new day, new organizational structure, new partner, new directions, new sense of purpose, new year. But looking back on it all now, after having had a little time off, all I can say is: Wow.

My guess is that you know exactly what it feels like to be hanging on to the end of a rapidly fraying rope, wondering how you're going to make it through to the end of whatever the season, whatever the project, is. And, like me, you may be standing at the beginning of this new year determined to do things differently, work smarter, stay healthier, live a more balanced life.

So, maybe you will also appreciate Tony Campolo's recent Beliefnet post, titled A Cure for Burnouts in which he plugs his newest book The God of Intimacy and Action and offers three suggestions for making "spiritual renewal a daily practice."

Using the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius as a jumping off point, Tony recommends a daily practice of 1) centering prayer, 2) Lectio Divina, and 3) prayer of examen, in which you offer up to God at the end of the day all the things you did that were holy and all the things that you did that were not, and wait for the cleansing of forgiveness that comes.These are helpful - and important - suggestions.Here's what I'd like to add: Fun.Jesus said you can't "enter the kingdom" unless you become like a child (Mat. 18:3). And we know that when he talked about the kingdom, he wasn't just talking about eternal life; he was talking about a kingdom that is right here, right now; he was talking about a new reality, God's reality, where justice and compassion and peace and joy abound. That is the kingdom Jesus came announcing; it's the kingdom he invited us to "turn around" and see. But he said we can only experience that kingdom if we act like kids!And if kids know how to do anything, it's how to have fun.I've made a personal commitment in this new year to play more, laugh more, dance more, take more time off, just for fun. I know it's only been a couple of weeks, but I can honestly say this: So far, so good.We have also made a commitment, at A.R.E., to work playfully, too. In fact, "Working Playfully" is one of our newly articulated guiding principles. It's our experience that when people are taking their work - but not themselves - seriously, they are more creative, more willing to try new things, less afraid of failure, more free. We'll put this principle into practice in an even more intentional way as we work with our clients in this new year...but we will be holding each other accountable for it, too.It does seem a little backwards to have to PLAN for fun, I know. That's the problem with being a grown up. Get over it. Open up your calendar and put some play dates on it. And the next time you're writing an agenda for a meeting, drafting a proposal, designing an event (even, my pastor friends, a worship service), make sure you PLAN for fun. Expect laughter. Give people permission to play.I'm right there with you.- Kelly Fryer

I didn't realize it at the time but I was just about dragging myself to the end of last year. I was exhausted. So tired, in fact, that I didn't even have the energy to be able to see how tired I was! This isn't a complaint. I am more thankful than I can say for all the good, interesting, hard work A.R.E. was given to do last year. It helped position us for this new day, new organizational structure, new partner, new directions, new sense of purpose, new year. But looking back on it all now, after having had a little time off, all I can say is: Wow.

So, maybe you will also appreciate Tony Campolo's recent Beliefnet post, titled A Cure for Burnouts in which he plugs his newest book The God of Intimacy and Action and offers three suggestions for making "spiritual renewal a daily practice."

3 Lessons for "Real" Leadership

People today want their leaders to be "real." In fact, they demand it. Case in point: After she choked up in response to a kindly question in a New Hampshire diner, Hillary Clinton's campaign wasn't sure what to do about the story. They didn't release a video clip of the event or a press statement; the web site didn't mention it. They weren't sure, frankly, how voters would react to this glimpse into the "real" person behind the candidate. They shouldn't have worried.

What does this being "real" mean for you and for leadership in your organization?

Here are 3 Lessons For "Real" Leadership:

Are You Having Fun Yet?

I didn't realize it at the time but I was just about dragging myself to the end of last year. I was exhausted. So tired, in fact, that I didn't even have the energy to be able to see how tired I was! This isn't a complaint. I am more thankful than I can say for all the good, interesting, hard work A.R.E. was given to do last year. It helped position us for this new day, new organizational structure, new partner, new directions, new sense of purpose, new year. But looking back on it all now, after having had a little time off, all I can say is: Wow.

My guess is that you know exactly what it feels like to be hanging on to the end of a rapidly fraying rope, wondering how you're going to make it through to the end of whatever the season, whatever the project, is. And, like me, you may be standing at the beginning of this new year determined to do things differently, work smarter, stay healthier, live a more balanced life.

Four Questions Every Leader Needs To Ask

"Working for the church would be the best job in the world...if it wasn't for all the people." Ever heard a church leader say that? Ever said it yourself? It's related, at least in part, to how difficult it can be to lead within a system that you're not "on top of," in the traditional sense. Many church leaders are envious of their peers in the "business" world where, they think, leaders have it made. People have to do what you tell them to do in the "business" world, right? If they don't, you can just fire them! Not so much in the nonprofit world, especially in faith-based organizations, where people are often volunteering and/or working for minimum pay.

At least, that's the argument we hear church leaders make. Often this is a plea for help. Sometimes it's just an excuse to do nothing. Either way, we're pretty sure this is an argument that needs to get put down once and for all.First of all, "business" leaders aren't exactly living on easy street these days. Today they face well organized environmental and consumer groups, a highly mobile & well-educated work force, shareholder activists demanding transparency and results like never before...just for starters. Few of them would say they feel like they have anything close to the power they think their predecessors once did.As a matter of fact, some "business" leaders have turned to leaders from within the social, nonprofit, and even religious worlds for help because they recognize that they need to learn to lead in new ways. Best-selling author and speaker, John Maxwell, is one of the best known examples of this phenomenon. Jim Collins, author of the best selling book Good To Great, explains why he thinks leaders in the social sector have so much to offer:

"If I put a loaded gun to your head, I can get you to do things you might not otherwise do, but I've not practiced leadership; I've exercised power. True leadership only exists if people follow when they have the freedom not to."From Good To Great and the Social Sectors: A Monograph to Accompany Good to Great (2005)

In fact, Collins predicts that "tomorrow's great business leaders will come from the social sectors, not the other way around."If you're frustrated because you think you don't have enough "power" to get things done in your congregation, judicatory, or faith-based organization...we want to suggest that you have simply and tragically misunderstood the kind of "power" you really need. Great leadership today - in any organization - learns to put the power of purpose, the power of participation, and the power of play to work.And, in the church, everything a great leader does is built on the power of prayer.What this means is that a great leader makes the purpose of the organization - not his or her own personal agenda - the most important thing, and will do whatever it takes to help the organization fulfill that purpose. A great leader knows that amazing things happen when the people in an organization are gathered for the sake of dreaming, playing, and planning together. And the greatest leaders in the church are those who remember to ask - to always ask: What is God doing here...and how can we help?Here are four questions every leader needs to ask in those moments of frustration:1. What am I doing to keep myself - and others I'm working with - focused on our common purpose?2. What am I doing to involve people at every level of this organization in the work of dreaming, planning, and taking action? When was the last time I asked people what THEY were thinking? Who do I need to invite into this conversation? Whose voice needs to be heard?3. What am I doing to inject a spirit of playfulness into our common life? In what ways am I letting people know it's ok to try new things, take risks, and even make mistakes? How am I modeling this in my own work and life?4. And, number one for church leaders, when was the last time I stopped - and asked others to stop - and listen for what God is saying to us? When was the last time I reminded us all to ask the most important question: What is God doing here...and how can we help??Print this little checklist off and stick it somewhere where you know you'll trip over it once in awhile...like every time you're tempted to think..."if it just wasn't for all the people!"

"Working for the church would be the best job in the world...if it wasn't for all the people." Ever heard a church leader say that? Ever said it yourself? It's related, at least in part, to how difficult it can be to lead within a system that you're not "on top of," in the traditional sense. Many church leaders are envious of their peers in the "business" world where, they think, leaders have it made. People have to do what you tell them to do in the "business" world, right? If they don't, you can just fire them! Not so much in the nonprofit world, especially in faith-based organizations, where people are often volunteering and/or working for minimum pay.