3 Lessons for "Real" Leadership

People today want their leaders to be "real." In fact, they demand it. Case in point: After she choked up in response to a kindly question in a New Hampshire diner, Hillary Clinton's campaign wasn't sure what to do about the story. They didn't release a video clip of the event or a press statement; the web site didn't mention it. They weren't sure, frankly, how voters would react to this glimpse into the "real" person behind the candidate. They shouldn't have worried.

What does this being "real" mean for you and for leadership in your organization?

Here are 3 Lessons For "Real" Leadership:

Being real can be hard work

We all have a picture of what the perfect executive, administrator, pastor, etc. should look like. But those of us who hold those offices know the truth! In fact, I can remember the moment, a number of years ago, when I looked around at the organization I was leading - and the larger community I was a part of - and suddenly realized: "I'm one of the grown ups now!" It was startling...and scary...because I knew just how much I didn't know and how unprepared I was for the work I had been given to do. The temptation, in those moments, is to hide behind whatever masks we can find. And there are plenty of them to choose from. We can hide behind an impressive sounding title or a little white collar; a big, booming voice or a sweet corner office. We can use vocabulary words no one else understands and drop names of people no one else has met. We can take ourselves very seriously and expect everyone else to do that, too. There are all kinds of ways we can create the illusion of infallibility, authority, expertise. Don't. Either you don't need to create an illusion because you really are up to the challenge or you're just not up to the challenge, in which case sooner or later your illusion will come crashing down. If that's the case, find another job or get some more training. Do whatever you can to do the best job you can do. But don't pretend. Trust the people you're working with to appreciate the gifts you really do bring to the job. Trust yourself.

A culture that allows people to "be real" leads to greater productivity and loyalty

Yes, it's true, office chit-chat may help work!
People not only want their leaders to be real, they want to be able to bring their "whole selves" with them to their work, too...whatever that work happens to be. Nobody wants to work for - or be - an Ebenezer Scrooge. But a lot of leaders, especially those in nonprofit and religious organizations, feel like they are responsible for safeguarding their donors' investment; they don't want to waste a dime! Too often that translates into a joyless, lifeless, exhausted work life. Do what you can to create an environment where people feel like they can laugh, talk about the silly things they did over the weekend, share their dreams, care for each other, have fun together. They will, very likely, end up working harder, smarter, and more passionately than ever before.

Being real does not give you permission to be stupid or nuts

I've worked with leaders (including church leaders) who say the meanest, craziest things and when they are challenged respond, "What?! I'm just being honest!" These people need to be stopped. If their "real" self is unconcerned about how they sound to other people, then they just "really" need help. Therapy, maybe. Medication. A good, stern, talking-to. A communication workshop. Something. If they're in leadership positions and they act this way, they need to be removed. It is possible to be real about your thoughts, feelings, ideas, hopes, fears, etc. without being a jerk. For effective leaders, it's a requirement.

- Kelly Fryer